My Search For God 
by Dr. Michael Schiffman
I was born into a
traditional Jewish family in New York in August, 1955. From my earliest
re- collections. I was taught about the existence of God, that He loved the
Jewish people and watched over us. When we would go to Shul (synagogue), I was greatly impressed with the sense
of God's awesomeness.
When I was eight years old I began my Jewish education, attending an orthodox
Hebrew school after public school two days a week, plus Saturday
services. It was at that point that I began to learn about the God of
Israel. As we studied Jewish history from the Holy Scriptures, I found that
God was personal. Throughout the Tanakh (the Old Testament Scriptures).
I read the "Lord spoke to Abraham, the Lord spoke to Moses, the
Lord spoke to David." The same was true about Elijah, Jeremiah, Isaiah,
and many others. I desired to know God in this way too. I found
that even with the awe I felt in Shabbat services. I did not know God. I
thought that the reason I did not know Him was that I had not had my Bar
Mitzvah. so I looked forward with great
anticipation to my 13th birthday, because I was preparing to meet God.
But to my disappointment, I found that I did not know God any more after
my Bar Mitzvah, than before. I was disappointed, but I thought that perhaps I
was not observant enough to know God.
I began attending minyans (morning prayers) and
donning t'fillin. But found that these did not
bring me any closer to a relation-ship with God. I thought that I
needed further education to know God as they did in the Holy Scriptures.
I continued my Hebrew education for two years, yet I did not find God in
the education. I had a talk with the rabbi and explained what I read in
Scripture, and that I desired to know God in that way. He said,
"You think you deserve to know God?" I had to admit I did not, but
that did not satisfy me. Some of the people in the Scripture did not deserve
it either, yet they knew Him. I was frustrated and felt let down.
I did not change my beliefs, but decided that God had obviously chosen not to
know me, so I would stop trying so hard to know Him. I believed He was
knowable, but only if He chose to reveal Himself. I had concluded that
He did not wish to know me.
DIALOGUING WITH BELIEVERS-
When I was l8, I moved
from New York to Arizona where I attended
Arizona State University. This was the first time I had lived in a place
where Jewish people were a minority. Because of this circumstance, I was
able to meet people of different backgrounds. and
was able to exchange ideas with many people.
One great place to talk was in the dormitory cafeteria. We would sit around
and atheists would argue with the born again believers, and I would just
listen or give my "two cents worth" as well. One day
the atheists were arguing with the evangelicals about whether or not it
was possible to know God. The atheists were saying that God does not
exist, but if He did, people could not know Him because He would be too
busy creating universes somewhere. The evangelicals were saying that He is
knowable. I argued in favor of the evangelicals, saying, that from a
Jewish perspective, God could be knowable, but that He
chooses not to be knowable.
After dinner, I continued the conversation with the evangelicals. They began
to tell me about Jesus. I stopped them short and told them that
Jesus is not for the Jews, and they could put away their New Testament,
because I did not accept it as valid for me. They left me alone after that.
A week later, we got into another discussion in the cafeteria, & as we
talked more about God, these evangelicals began to show me prophecies
from the Tanakh about the Messiah that sounded like Jesus. Even though
I had never seen a New Testament, I had seen the movies about the life of
Jesus, & those prophecies sounded very much like the Jesus of the
movies. I pointed out to these people that the Bibles they had were
Christian bibles, & I could not trust their translations. For all I
knew those passages could have been inserted in Christian bibles just to
"fool" the Jewish people into believing in Jesus. To
prove them wrong, I had my mother send me the Holy Scriptures I received
at my Bar Mitzvah. I was shocked to find that the Jewish Bible had those
same prophecies. I pointed out that Jesus was for Gentiles, & not
for Jews such as myself. It was okay for them
to believe, but not for me. (I did not know at that time that
Jesus was very much for Jewish people and that His name was Yeshua).
The only problem I had was that I found that the Scriptures I believed in
spoke of Yeshua, but I felt He was not for Jewish people. I needed
a reason to reject Him.
EMBRACING THE MESSIAH-
I believed that the best place to find an excuse not to believe
in Yeshua would be the church, because I believed they hated Jewish
people. I asked my friends if I could attend church with them. I had
never attended a church before. I thought it would be idolatrous,
because they prayed to saints, and I thought they
were anti-Semitic.
My friends took me to their Baptist church. There were no statues &
no crosses. It was a very plain building. The people were friendly. I
found no fault with them. The pastor spoke from Leviticus that morning.
I could find no fault with the message. I did not care for the songs about
Jesus, but since it was a church, I could not complain. I left there
disappointed that I could find no reason to reject Jesus.
The next week I was talking with my friends, & they shared how Yeshua was
the Messiah, & since He was, I was not accepting something
non-Jewish, but rather believing in the Messiah who came for Israel.
When I asked why the Jewish people did not recognize Him when He came, they
showed me the New Covenant records of the thousands of Jewish people who
believed. They showed me Isaiah
53:1 which says, "Who has believed our message, & to whom has
the arm of the Lord been revealed" They showed me Isaiah 59:2,
which explained that it is our sins that separate us from God. I realized that God did want to
know me, but my sins had kept me from knowing Him. Isaiah 53 said the Messiah would bear
our sins.
The next day I was by myself thinking about these things, & an inaudible
voice spoke to me saying. "You read the prophecies. Who did they
speak of?" I said, "Jesus." The voice said, "You attended
church. Was it anti-Semitic or idolatrous? “I said. "No." The voice said, "Who am I, & what are you going to do about
it?" At that point I realized that Yeshua was speaking to me & I
believed He was the Messiah. I prayed & asked Yeshua to come
into my life, to give me atonement for my sins, & to be my Messiah.
On that day, November 23, 1973. I entered
into a personal relationship with the God of Abraham. Isaac, &
Jacob, the God of my fathers, through the Messiah of Israel, Yeshua of
Nazareth - the relationship I yearned
for since my childhood.
reprinted
with permission of the Messianic Literature Outreach
www.messianicliterature.org
For further information contact
To
Return To: L'Chaim -To
Life! Page
To
Return To: MENORAH'S
HOME PAGE
|